Dark Warriors of Club Penguin

Welcome to the first edition of Twilight Hours, where we go through recent and historical Dark Warriors lore. This edition of Twilight Hours will explore Furritosis.

This entire article is pure satire, and nothing is a fact. Please do not insult or overplay this joke on Discord or elsewhere.

BREAKING NEWS: Recently, a pandemic has swept the Dark Warriors, bringing about a bout of “furriness” across some active troops and staff members. We dive into the beginnings of this inside joke, of sorts, to understand how it has infected the army.

A Brief Background on Furritosis

It started with Weekay during a vacation in Indonesia. During this time, she had some coconut water straight out of a coconut. Instantly, a durian belonging to a monkey magically replaced the coconut. The monkey unknowingly left some hair on it, creating an effect similar to the Polyjuice Potion from Harry Potter. An unobserving Weekay, wanting to drink it, started sipping the water. Because of her lack of smell, Weekay continued to drink it without realizing the nasty odor. 

Fortunately for Weekay, she already had a fursona, so this didn’t affect her as much. Unfortunately for the rest of the Dark Warriors, this was very contagious.

Patient Zero: Thalia

Thalia was patient zero of this newfound pandemic, which quickly spread and infected multiple Dark Warriors. However, due to Thalia’s back problems, it was combined with her scoliosis as well. That’s how the pandemic arose, during a talk about her nonagenarian-like back issues. Combining the deadly virus SARS-COVID-19, the word furry, and scoliosis, “SARS-FURRYTOSIS-26” was officially named.

It is estimated that the majority of the population was infected and devastated by furrytosis. Thalia started with the symptoms approximately 8 days ago and was the reason for any initial investigation.

One potential cure is wild puffles. Scientists have worked very hard on a vaccine using these puffles. One way to remedy panic and howls/meows is to eat puffles, as indicated by the resident journalist, Pranav. This is an advisory notice to stay away from any active furry, and if in contact with one, start eating Wild Puffles.

UPDATES (since January 23, 2026):

Since January 23, the wild puffles claim is believed to be false. This is due to Pranav himself contracting furritosis in the late hours of January 24, 2026. (US Eastern Standard Time).

We should also not forget that Lady Eden, a frequent appearance in DW general chat turned her profile into:

In fact, it seems as if the disease mainly spreads and affects humans and penguins alike only during the midnight EST hours. Speaking of midnight, our wonderful leader Midnight disapproves heavily of furritosis, despite liking cats himself.

During further exploration, Eclipse Times‘ only possible explanation is that he orchestrated the entire plot of this pandemic, to hide his true intentions of infecting all of Dark Warriors. A similar pandemic once occurred in late May and early June 2020, during the era of Club Penguin Online: Army League, during which Midnight attempted to revive some armies of his own. Unfortunately, as none of these worked, Midnight is likely attempting to revive such a pandemic across armies to bring back memories, now that he is a leader in a well-established army with lots of history.

Eclipse Times approached Midnight to ask him some innocent questions to figure out the truth.

So, Midnight, you hate furritosis is it? Do you think this is, in any way, related to Furrid-19 from 2020?

Yes, I hate furrys but I don’t think this is related to Furrid 19

Are you sure about that? Eclipse Times has enough evidence to conclude that you are reviving a furry pandemic to relive Penguin Defence Force.

Hold on. Are you saying PDF was an army of furries? If I hate furrys, why would I revive the furry pandemic…

Well… You had a banana, and bananas have some fuzz. You had Da Best, who is practically the next thing from a furry. And you had you. We have evidence of your meow.

I got rid of da best and wiped him from history. He was incompetent. Him being a furry would explain it. I’ve never said meow, are you fabricating evidence?

Sir, here’s your evidence. We need to move on now, why did you decide to infect poor Weekay and Thalia first?

This “evidence” is fake. Fine, I’ll admit, I revived it but that doesn’t mean I like furries, I hate them. I used a few penguins as test subjects before I infected my true targets so there’s some randoms out there. I’ve honestly gotten tired of all the bullying in this damn army so I plotted my revenge. I hate that Thalia though weekay was just a test subject. Infect the bullies with the furry virus thus making them go crazy. In the end the other leaders would have enough of their craziness and would have no choice but to get rid of them.

Anything else before you change DW to the Dark MeoWarriors? Perhaps that maybe it’s Ams who caused this all along…?

Well that might explain why there’s so many damn furries. I only infected a few but that much?? Oh no, definitely not me. Don’t you find it odd that the number of furries significantly increased since Ams started joining VC? You might want to investigate there…

Eclipse Times also asked Ams, an Aliens leader (one of our great allies!!), why she should not be blamed. This is due to her admission that she wants Dark Warriors leaders to all meow in VC.

i am not to blame for anything : they probably brought this to themselves, love you guys.

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As we can see, it is definitely Midnight who spread quite a bit of this furritosis, and blame is placed squarely on him. We at ET suggest to 1) do a ET tactic on him and 2) coup him. However, we still have some suspicion of Ams… Weekay and Thalia are completely innocent. Keep up the chaos, Dark Warriors! We wouldn’t have a job without it 😉

Thank you for reading this week’s Twilight Hours! How do you think furritosis actually spread and who caused it? Do you have any [more serious] suggestions on Dark Warriors lore for the next edition? Let us know in the comments or on Discord!

Pixter
Dark Guardian (6ic)

Pranav
Dark Lord (5ic)

Filed under: DW News Central, Uncategorized |